It's been a couple of weeks since I have last posted. I have developed a system where I walk 2-3 miles every day or every other day, and take a long walk one day a week. So far, I am able to walk about 6-7 miles before I get tired. I am hoping to reach 8 miles by the end of this week.
It's just been really rough lately. I have had several doctor visits, and I found out I had osteoporosis (among other things). Apparently, about 30-60% of people with Crohn's Disease get it. This makes me so angry because my doctor didn't recommend the bone density test, I did. If it is that common, why didn't my gastroenterologist warn me about it? I don't understand this method of intervention instead of prevention approach that doctors keep pushing.
Not that I have anything against doctors. Some are excellent, others are just working with what they know. But every time I think that things are falling into place, something happens that makes everything seem out of control. That lack of control can make a person feel guilty. Guilty about not having the energy to help around the house. Guilty about breaking dates with your family and friends. Guilty about calling in sick at work when everyone is counting on you. I love my job, but it is high stressed, and I know that I work 1000 times harder in order to be on the same level as everyone else.
It's times like these that I have to remember that I do have control over. For instance, I have control over my diet (which I will bring up in a later post, but it's extreme at the moment). I have control over what exercises I can do. I have been feeling sick the last few days, so even though I did not walk, I still lifted weights and did some yoga. I have control over my spirituality, which has greatly improves the last few months. I used to struggle with praying because of how angry I used to be - not at God, but at myself; I felt like I was not worthy of praying to him. I was also worried about praying while sitting (Muslims stand most of the time, but sometimes I don't have the energy), and if my prayer even counted. Now I perform all prayers, and I don't worry so much about sitting or standing. Religion is not meant to be hard, but it definitely has made a positive impact in my life the past year.
I have control when I ask for help. Dealing with Crohn's and life in general is so much more difficult if I try to do things myself. I still have difficulty with this, but I am working on it. Most importantly, I have control in telling my family how much I love them and how I appreciate their support. Seeing how many people have donated and are cheering me on, I am thankful for your support too. :)
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
First Long Walk!!
So i decided to risk it, and walk the long walk a few days ago. My foot is still not completely healed, and I was recovering from a cold. I probably looked ridiculous walking with a winter scarf and headband. I didn't care though; I was determined to see how far I could go.
The first mile and a half was the most difficult. I was cramping and breathing hard. I didn't think I would make it to three miles, but after a while, the pain subsided. I made it to 6 miles in less than 2 hours! It probably would have been faster but I had to take pictures. Can you blame me?
The first mile and a half was the most difficult. I was cramping and breathing hard. I didn't think I would make it to three miles, but after a while, the pain subsided. I made it to 6 miles in less than 2 hours! It probably would have been faster but I had to take pictures. Can you blame me?
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Relationships
It's been a while (no, I haven't been listening to Staind) since I wrote on this blog. I was terrible when it came to writing in diaries or journals. I suppose that's okay since my mom couldn't find out about all the crazy stuff that I did. Just kidding, mom!
Honestly, I was hit with Crohn's full force before I had the opportunity to do anything stupid. I never had the desire to be rebellious, not because I had (and still have) a ridiculously guilty conscience, but because I allowed the disease to take over my life. I never smoked, partied, or even lied about who I was hanging out with. I kept thinking about things such as, "What if I got sick, and I can't find the bathroom?" or "What if I get into so much pain, and there's no way for me to get home?" Overall, I am a very anxious person, and Crohn's with elevated anxiety is never a good combination.
I am an introverted person. I love to spend my time reading, watching movies, and walking outdoors. I prefer to be with a small group of people than go to a party, and am a better listener than talker. With Crohn's, I became more introverted to the point of isolation. I broke promises with friends, and I refused to explain to them why. I didn't want to burden them with what's going on in my life. I didn't let anyone "in" until a few years ago, which made it hard to develop many meaningful relationships in college. Now that I am out of school for the time being, it's even more difficult. I can go to as many events and gatherings as possible, but it seems like strong friendships and cliques should have already been established. I have also never been in a real relationship before. This was brought home to me when I stumbled upon an article, "What You Should Know if You Fall in Love With Someone Who Has Crohn's Disease". http://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2015/04/crohns-disease-relationships/
I think it's safe to say that I am the type of person who will go to the ends of the Earth to support and help someone I love, whether it's family, friends, or that potential special someone. But there have been more times than I wish to admit when I was unable to be there for someone. It is part of the reason why I am afraid of meeting a guy. When will I tell him how sick I am, and how much information should I share? I don't want to feel pity or that I have to be taken care of all the time, and I don't want him to feel that way. And call me crazy, but I worry about having kids. People have said that the Crohn's goes in remission during pregnancy, but comes back after giving birth. Plus, the idea of kids seeing their mom sick and unable to provide for them is terrifying. I do not want to put them through that, and it is partially why I go back and forth about wanting kids. It's also another barrier I have with guys - how many of them (especially muslim men) do not want kids?
This article along with people in similar situations made me realize that there's someone out there for everyone. I am 28, which means that I am on the borderline in becoming a spinster according to Egyptian tunts, but I am not in any hurry. I will meet him when the time comes. When it does, I will just think about how compatible we are, if he's fun and compassionate, and how many times I will have to tell him to shut up while we're watching the Walking Dead.
Honestly, I was hit with Crohn's full force before I had the opportunity to do anything stupid. I never had the desire to be rebellious, not because I had (and still have) a ridiculously guilty conscience, but because I allowed the disease to take over my life. I never smoked, partied, or even lied about who I was hanging out with. I kept thinking about things such as, "What if I got sick, and I can't find the bathroom?" or "What if I get into so much pain, and there's no way for me to get home?" Overall, I am a very anxious person, and Crohn's with elevated anxiety is never a good combination.
I am an introverted person. I love to spend my time reading, watching movies, and walking outdoors. I prefer to be with a small group of people than go to a party, and am a better listener than talker. With Crohn's, I became more introverted to the point of isolation. I broke promises with friends, and I refused to explain to them why. I didn't want to burden them with what's going on in my life. I didn't let anyone "in" until a few years ago, which made it hard to develop many meaningful relationships in college. Now that I am out of school for the time being, it's even more difficult. I can go to as many events and gatherings as possible, but it seems like strong friendships and cliques should have already been established. I have also never been in a real relationship before. This was brought home to me when I stumbled upon an article, "What You Should Know if You Fall in Love With Someone Who Has Crohn's Disease". http://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2015/04/crohns-disease-relationships/
I think it's safe to say that I am the type of person who will go to the ends of the Earth to support and help someone I love, whether it's family, friends, or that potential special someone. But there have been more times than I wish to admit when I was unable to be there for someone. It is part of the reason why I am afraid of meeting a guy. When will I tell him how sick I am, and how much information should I share? I don't want to feel pity or that I have to be taken care of all the time, and I don't want him to feel that way. And call me crazy, but I worry about having kids. People have said that the Crohn's goes in remission during pregnancy, but comes back after giving birth. Plus, the idea of kids seeing their mom sick and unable to provide for them is terrifying. I do not want to put them through that, and it is partially why I go back and forth about wanting kids. It's also another barrier I have with guys - how many of them (especially muslim men) do not want kids?
This article along with people in similar situations made me realize that there's someone out there for everyone. I am 28, which means that I am on the borderline in becoming a spinster according to Egyptian tunts, but I am not in any hurry. I will meet him when the time comes. When it does, I will just think about how compatible we are, if he's fun and compassionate, and how many times I will have to tell him to shut up while we're watching the Walking Dead.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)